A little over two weeks since my last post. Time is short these days unfortunately. That's not to say I haven't wasted time, because I have, but it was spent more reading non-school related things and watching TV on the few occasions I slacked off. So one might wonder, where are we in the time line of events leading us home? We're nearing the end is where we are, but not quite there yet.
As the title of the post indicates, the work after midterms seemed to start off as a sweet whisper that quickly and without warning turned into an ear shattering scream. From the contents of the PT fossa to the finer points of nitrogen metabolism not a day goes by that I can say "I'm totally caught up." I may have given all the material to date a read, and fully understood the concepts, however the amount of memorization is simply far too much for me to accomplish the night we receive it, and in some cases, even by the end of the week.
This however doesn't worry me so much, it's coming along a piece at a time and my pace was great minus the enormous wall I hit last week and broke through by the end of the weekend. Last week I would definitely say I had this strange wave of melancholy and general malaise that gripped me hard and wouldn't let go. I got past it though by the weekend simply by staring at the material I had fallen behind on that week, it was a jaw dropping amount.
The days are passing quickly now, weeks melding into one another, and off blur of a day in/day out routine continuing with little variation. The goal is in sight. Not finals, finals are not a goal but merely an event in my way.
Getting on that plane home is a goal.
The strange mix of carbon emissions, sewers, subways, and city air will fill my lungs once more in less than a month and I couldn't be more eager to take that first breath outside JFK. I miss NYC like a land locked sailor longs for the sea. I didn't think it would be like this but everyday I walk out my door I can feel something, like sideways gravity, pulling me to a body on the east coast like the sun pulls the planets or the earth pulls us. For now I ignore it, but soon enough I'll give in and that is the day I eagerly await.
Until then? Work, work, work, and oh yes. Did I mention? Some more work. Cramming random coenzymes, inhibitory chemicals, deficits and build ups, arteries, communicating branches, bones and nerves. What they look like, feel like, smell like, where they lie and whats near them. I could say I hate it, but I'd be lying. As much as I have a distaste for biochemistry especially and for how little these facts will matter when I hit the clinical years, every piece of knowledge I gain makes me feel stronger. The more I master, the more I feel empowered. Every little piece will somehow add to the arsenal I'm slowly acquiring.
The eventual enemy?
Human suffering, disease, and death.
That's the other goal, the far off one, the other one I await to reach anxiously.
The day I get to beat death for the first time, from what I've heard it's one hell of an addictive rush.
Would this be a Punk Doctor's blog without a song? Absolutely not.
You, you try, you try to get by.
"You're never going to pull it off",
"You shouldn't even try"
"You're a wet cigarette",
"You're always second best",
But they're never going to give a shit about anybody but themselves.
So you fight for them to realize;
There's more to life,
There's more to you,
There's more than meets the eye.
And when you're done, the battle's been won.
You sit back, you smile and this is what you hum,
You hum: whoa, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh.
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh 12341234....
You, you try, you try to get by.
"You're never going to pull it off",
"You shouldn't even try"
"You're a wet cigarette",
"You're always second best",
But they're never going to give a shit about anybody but themselves.
You fight for them to realize;
There's more to life,
There's more to you,
There's more than meets the eye.
And when you're done, the battle's been won.
You sit back, you smile and this is what you hum,
You hum: whoa, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh.
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh 12341234....
The years go by, the time it does fly.
Every single second is a moment in time
That passes oh, so quick and it seems like nothing,
But when you're looking back, well it amounts to everything.
I've got myself. I've got my friends.
I've got my little family, but that's not where it ends.
This one goes out to you, it goes out to everyone.
It's in the name of honesty because life has just begun.
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh.
Whoa, oh, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh, whoa, oh, oh 12341234....
Look around little brother, can you tell me what you see?
You're a big boy now, so take responsibility.
You never had it hard, but now it's getting tough,
So you whine, whine, whine and you say you've had enough.
You say I'm full of shit, that I'm a hypocrite
I shouldn't talk, when I can't take the advice that I give?
Well maybe you're right, but open your eyes:
The main difference here is that I try, try, try.
-Catch 22 1234, 1234
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