This is my summer post, since I leave this evening heading back to the rock. I know I'm a bit late but between studying, seeing friends, seeing the girl, shadowing, and so on my schedule was a bit hectic and blogging hit the bottom of the pile.
Returning home was a shock to the system the first week. After months of intense discipline is studying and the constant fear of not doing enough, coming home and not having those things dangling over my head like a two ton weight held up by a thin thread felt odd. I quickly got into the swing of things though and learned how to relax and be plenty lazy again though and it was a welcome relief.
Real television, fast internet, the city, my car, friends, family, and good food were the things that I missed most and having them at fingertips again was revitalizing. Upon closer examination of the differences between living there and here I came to a surprising conclusion. My biggest problem being there and what causes me the most anxiety is the fact that over years of living in NYC, between family and friends, I have built a network. Not just emotional support but so called "tactical support". The importance of having anything I need at a moments notice, from speedy entrance through an Emergency Department at a local hospital for a friend to last minute reservations at a nice restaurant, through my connections from family and friends I can have any of those things with several phone calls. Here I'm a "somebody". A very small somebody however when you get down to it I could accomplish a lot in a pinch. I've spent several years building up a small network of people I trust and without them in a strange land with few friends I'm on my own. The only weight I can throw around is my own, anything I need I have to take for myself and that's not something I'm used to. It's not worth it to spend time gaining new "contacts" so to speak because in a year and a half they're useless. Here even in a room filled with my enemies (politically or otherwise) my name and the things I know protect me, sometimes thats enough to keep you out of someone's crosshair's. My reputation keeps people on their toes. When I'm in Grenada I'm out in the cold. The only thing you can do there is keep your head down, stay off the radar, and accomplish your goals. Staying off the radar and not trying to right wrongs I see is admittedly something I wasn't very good at. I stick my nose in places it doesn't belong, I open my mouth, I fight until what I see broken gets fixed. I did it in High School, I did it in College, and now I can't do it. So learning that trick is keeping me busy on top of my studies.
Seeing my friends was great, they're growing quickly into themselves. I like what they're becoming for the most part and still consider myself lucky to have them despite some differences in opinions. Learning what I missed, seeing the new dynamics in the social circles I knew, and examining life progressing without me around was weird but educational, I guess.
Cecilla got a job which is great, she's miserable and ecstatic at the same time. She got a job in the closed and difficult field she studied for, and now the real world suddenly isn't as nice as she thought it would be. She's keeping up though and making proud, she's becoming a little fighter where she works, not letting people step over her to get what they want, I think I may have rubbed off on her a little. I know I'm quite a bit more reserved than I used to be which I think is partially thanks to her.
The family is good, my sister is taking the LSAT's in October which is great. I think she's going to do great. My father is doing the same thing in school that he did as a detective and an ER nurse, kicking ass and taking names. I expected nothing less. My mother is doing well and actually starting her own little business venture. If anyone needs Avon products let me know, I'll give you her number. For the most part, some small hiccups excluded, I think the pieces are really beginning to fall into place for my family. I'm of course weary, because we all know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men.
Speaking of plans, packing and planning return trips is a nerve wracking thing. There's a saying in the military "Even the best battle plans rarely survive contact with the enemy." So I pack like the world might end while there, prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.
I'll post a few more times in the coming week with vignettes from experiences I had this summer.
So dear readers to quote Shakespeare instead of a punk band this time
"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more."
